Qualified Condition

July 24, 2008

I’m Mispellin’ Cause I’m Gellin’

Filed under: Getting Around — qualifiedcondition @ 2:57 am

One of my favorite people once noticed me limping in pain because of my shoes and in response quoted a movie, saying “You might think you deserve that pain but you don’t.”  At least I think he was quoting a movie—he said it in a Southern accent which either communicates movie quoting or odd affectation.  Let’s say movie quoting—he is one of my favorite people.

This morning, I found myself limping in the same shoes and I had a sound realization.  It’s not the shoes, it’s the f-ing Dr. Shoals gel pad things!  I was loured by their ridiculous commercial and that haunting blue squishy gel and the little bastards caused me nothing but pain.  I removed the gel pad right there on the plaza outside my office and the limping stopped you guys.  Can I get an amen?

This deliverance also afforded me a chance to conduct some research in the name of science (photos below).  It turns out the pads are filled with weapons grade plutonium.  And I’m going to have a baby now.  And by baby I mean a second hairy spleen has grown outside my abdomen.  Do not taunt Dr. Shoals Gellin’ Inserts.




  1. I don’t want to have to do this living. I just walk around. I want to be swept off my feet, you know? I want my children to have magical powers. I am prepared for amazing things to happen! I can handle it!! – (same movie, no Southern accent)

    Comment by c.c. — July 24, 2008 @ 8:00 pm

  2. macaroni

    Comment by kw — July 25, 2008 @ 4:50 pm

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