Qualified Condition

August 15, 2008

Municipal Employee Retirement Party Flyer

Filed under: Retirement Flyers — qualifiedcondition @ 11:45 pm

I’m very excited to bring a new segment to Qualified Condition.  I’m calling it Municipal Employee Retirement Party Flyer (or MERPF if you will).  On a regular basis the elevator lobbies in the building where I work are adorned with these charming, if not graphically challenged, flyers announcing the retirement of people I scarcely know or knew. 

The flyers are so symbolic on so many levels, I don’t even want to try to explain it here–I’ll just let it ooze out as I post these suckers over time.

To me, nothing quite says, “You’ve been a valued team member right up to the very end,” like a big ol’ blurry dinosaur jpeg on your retirement flyer.  They might as well have called him “Richard ‘Never Learned to Check his own Voicemail’ Sanchez.  The good news is that the party has a $40 cover charge for guests, which is on the high-end for such events, so at least he’s getting some love.  Do take a moment to appreciate the young and optimistic looking mug-shot in the top compared to the hardened bad-ass with a uniform fetish pasted on the brontosaurus.  Chief inspecting will toughen you up!  No one around the office could quite figure out what the blurry thing toward the top is, but options include half of a Tie Fighter, a pick axe from space and or some kind of meat thermometer/guitar.  I’m in favor of any of those options.

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4 Comments »

  1. wow. i think this is actually a covert flier which details the military’s use of archeological finds for future weapons development. i can see colin powell’s frozen dome being promptly placed on a velociraptor in no time.

    Comment by bolig — August 16, 2008 @ 1:33 am

  2. I’m going to vote for the Tie Fighter. Maybe I should quit IV and design retirement fliers…

    Comment by adam — August 18, 2008 @ 1:23 am

  3. How did they get his passport photo on there?
    Did you save this flyer from last year?

    Comment by Brother Chris — August 18, 2008 @ 3:58 pm

  4. […] First of all there is a jet.  Pointed skyward.  Evidently Tom’s retirement will allow him to soar to new heights.  Either that or the jet is meant to engage the inner-5th grader who thinks that jets are rad.  Perhaps we should have thrown in a Lamborgini for good measure.  Maybe a dinosaur? […]

    Pingback by Sportsman Salad? « Qualified Condition — January 26, 2009 @ 11:29 pm


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