Qualified Condition

February 7, 2009

Camp Jesus

Filed under: Uncategorized — qualifiedcondition @ 12:31 am

I’m going to a church retreat this weekend.  Let me clarify that: I’m going to a young adult’s church retreat.  A large part of me is horrified.  I love my church.  Most of the people involved are very mellow, smart, non-hysterical Christians with far-left political views and a general willingness to let people do their own thing.  Nevertheless I have this lingering fear that I’m going to get there and someone is going to bust out an acoustic guitar and I’m going to want to torch the whole building with everyone trapped inside.

There was once a time when religious retreats were a major part of my life and it wasn’t until I was removed from that whole world that I realized how much I hated being isolated with religious people.  I can only pretend not to be a judgmental asshole for so long and being trapped in the woods with people who like group-singing really bad songs doesn’t help me not want to look for your flaws and dwell on them endlessly.  Usually by the time a Sunday morning “let’s all share about what God is teaching us this weekend” moment rolls around I’m either exhausted from the rampant self-censorship I’ve had to do or I’m burying someone’s strangled body in the hills.

Thankfully Episcopalians usually bring wine to these things.  Peace be with you.

UPDATE:  I stopped in NoHo on the way to the retreat to pick up another churchy person.  Upon arrival he asked “is there room in your car for my guitar?”  I’m not kidding.  I immediately started picturing all the places along the 101 where I could drive us over a cliff Thelma and Louise style.  Also I wanted to apologize to my boyfriend for all the shit that I have given him for having crap in his car.  He who has random crap in his car does not have room for a guitar.  Truthfully, the retreat was nice, the setting beautiful and the people were friendly, cool and interesting.  Also, I’m never going to a retreat again.



  1. It only takes a spark to get a fire going.

    Comment by Lazlo — February 7, 2009 @ 2:22 am

  2. i understand completely. this is part of why i haven’t gone on a PMC trip.

    Comment by xie — February 7, 2009 @ 6:00 am

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